27 August 2026
By Parr O’Dee
news@thecork.ie
Satire
A local vape shop has been granted charitable status after its accounts revealed that it has never recorded a profit since opening.
The owner said the figures proved the business had always operated “for the good of the community.”
“We’ve never made a profit,” he explained. “Not once.”
The shop’s accountant reportedly described the accounts as “remarkably consistent.”
Questions were raised about how the business has remained open for years despite its apparent lack of profitability. Informed sources have confirmed its rent exactly matches its pre tax profits, purely by chance.
The owner pointed to the shop’s credit card machine.
“That’s been broken for years.”
He declined to explain why the machine had never been repaired, saying only – from his excessily illuminated shopfloor – that “cash is much more reliable.” and better for climate change as it uses no electricity.
The newly registered charity has promised to continue providing essential community services, including disposable vapes, phone chargers and somewhere warm for customers to stand while its raining.
Its first charitable fundraising event will reportedly be held behind the counter.
The card machine will not be taking part.