24 August 2026
By Parr O’Dee
news@thecork.ie
Satire
In the latest attempt to tackle Ireland’s housing crisis, the Government has announced plans to convert unused data centres into apartments.
The proposal would see former server rooms transformed into modern residential units, complete with high-speed broadband, industrial air conditioning and enough electricity to boil approximately 14 million kettles simultaneously.
Housing Minister Patrick O’Something described the plan as “a bold and innovative solution to a problem we have been trying to solve since 2007.”
Estate agents have already welcomed the idea.
“It’s an absolutely stunning property,” said one Dublin estate agent. “It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, underground parking and enough backup generators to survive the apocalypse.”
He paused.
“Although technically, there are no windows. That lack of windows allows it to achieve a BER rating of Super A Plus.”
The apartments will be marketed as “exclusive digital living spaces”, with residents promised 24-hour security and “exceptionally stable indoor temperatures.”
According to the estate agent, the lack of natural light is actually a selling point.
“You’ll never be woken by the sun,” he explained. “And because the building is surrounded by enormous cooling units, you don’t even need to worry about Irish weather.”
The average apartment will come with its own server rack.
“We’re calling it a feature wall,” said the agent. “Very Scandinavian.”
Residents will also enjoy ultra-fast internet.
“In fact,” he said, “the broadband is so good that you can download a film before you’ve decided what film you want to watch.”
The Government insists the scheme could provide thousands of new homes without using additional land.
Officials are reportedly considering converting other infrastructure into accommodation, including electricity substations, motorway service stations and several particularly large roundabouts.
One official said the long-term ambition was to ensure that “every piece of infrastructure in Ireland eventually has a double bedroom and an ensuite.”
The first data-centre apartments are expected to be advertised shortly.
Prices are expected to start at €1,850 per month, excluding electricity, broadband, parking, heating, cooling and access to daylight.