8 September 2026
By Parr O’Dee
parr@Theacork.ie
Parody / Satire
The Government has defended the decision to allow the granting of planning permissions for new apartments which have no parking, insisting that residents should embrace public transport, cycling and “modern urban living”.
The policy has reportedly come as a surprise to apartment owners, many of whom have discovered that modern urban living involves requiring a lodger to help pay the mortgage, while their 40-year-old son is still living at home.
“This is a two-bedroom apartment,” said one owner.
“I have a lodger in one room, my son in the other, and I sleep on the sofa.”
“And how many cars?”
“Three.”
‘One Space Is Plenty’
Officials insist one parking space is more than adequate.
“People simply need to change their expectations,” said a Government spokesperson.
“An apartment with one parking space is perfectly suitable for a modern household. It’s all about the Environment. The Government values the wider environment, and does not wish to meddle in peoples private lives. What goes on behind closed doors is a private matter.”
“Is one parking space adequate, even if there are three adults living there?”
“Absolutely.”
“And three cars?”
“Well…”
The spokesperson paused.
“That sounds like a personal choice”
Estate agents have welcomed the policy.
“It actually makes apartments more attractive,” said one agent.
“You can advertise a two-bedroom apartment as ideal for a young professional, a couple, a lodger, their adult son and three cars.”
Asked where the cars would go, the agent replied:
“That’s what kerbs are for.”
‘The Son Isn’t Moving Out’
One apartment owner said her 40-year-old son had been living at home for 12 years.
“He can’t afford his own place.”
“Does he work?”
“Yes.”
“Does he have a car?”
“Yes.”
“Does your lodger have a car?”
“Yes.”
“And you?”
“Yes.”
“So you need three spaces?”
“Exactly.”
“How many did the developer provide?”
“One.”
“And where do the other two go?”
“Apparently they’re part of the sustainable transport strategy.”
Meanwhile, the Government insists that Ireland’s new apartments are being designed for the future.
Unfortunately, nobody appears to have designed them for the people actually living in them.
Construction industry reaction
The ind