8 September 2026
By Parr O’Dee
parr@Theacork.ie
Parody / Satire
The Government has announced plans to legalise bigamy in a radical new attempt to tackle Ireland’s housing crisis.
Under the proposed scheme, up to three adults could legally share a marriage, mortgage and house, with ministers claiming the measure could dramatically increase housing affordability.
“Housing is about making better use of existing space,” said a fictional Government spokesperson.
“If three people can share one mortgage, that’s basically three deposits for the price of one.”
“We considered the idea in the 1990s but the church was still influential back then. Now that things are more woke we feel the timing is right.”
Estate Agents Delighted
Estate agents have welcomed the proposal.
“This is fantastic news,” said Cork estate agent Declan Byrne.
“We’ve already got couples struggling to afford a two-bedroom house. Now they can simply find a third person with a decent salary.”
Asked whether this might create complicated relationship problems, Byrne replied:
“Not compared with trying to buy a house.”
‘Four Salaries Would Be Even Better’
The Government is reportedly considering going further.
A leaked proposal suggests that four-person marriages could be introduced in Phase Two.
“Why stop at three?” said one official.
“If four people earning €50,000 each combine their incomes, they might actually be able to afford a modest semi-detached house in Dublin. We shouldn’t be held back by traditional thinking. This is the new Ireland, and new means better, right?”
Daft.ie Update
Daft.ie has reportedly begun preparing a new search filter:
“Number of Adults Required to Afford Property: 1–4.”
One €525,000 house currently advertised in Dublin is expected to be labelled:
“Suitable for 3 adults, 2 incomes, 1 bathroom and absolutely no privacy.”
Meanwhile, prospective buyers have welcomed the initiative.
“I’ve already got a partner,” said one man.
“I just need to find another €70,000 salary.”
Asked whether he was worried about the emotional consequences, he replied:
“Have you seen the price of houses?”
“I’m prepared to compromise.”
The Government insists the scheme will help make home ownership more accessible.
“It may not solve the housing crisis,” the spokesperson admitted.
“But at least people will have someone to split the mortgage with.”