15 February 2026
By Parr O’Dee
news@TheCork.ie
Satirical news / parody
Estate Agents Now Using AI Instead of Visiting Houses, Claim “It’ll Sell Anyway”
Ireland’s property market took another surreal turn this week as several estate agents admitted they’ve stopped physically visiting homes altogether, instead relying on AI to “fill in the gaps, exaggerate the positives, and ignore the damp.”
One agent, who asked to remain anonymous but was wearing a branded jacket that said “Ask Me About Your Unrealistic Expectations”, explained the new workflow.
“We don’t need to see the house. The AI knows the vibe.”
According to him, modern estate‑agent AI can generate a full listing from as little as:
- The Eircode
- A blurry photo from 2014
- A rumour that the house “might have a kitchen”
- The owner’s star sign
“It’s incredibly efficient,” he said. “Why waste time walking around a property when the AI can confidently describe it as ‘bright and spacious’ without ever encountering the physical reality of the box room?”
AI-Generated Viewings
Instead of real tours, buyers now receive AI‑fabricated walkthroughs featuring:
- Sunlight that doesn’t exist in this climate
- Rooms that are 40% larger than physics allows
- A garden that is definitely not a concrete slab with a wheelie bin
- A fireplace that was removed in 1998
One viewer in Cork said the AI tour showed “a charming reading nook,” which turned out to be “a patch of wall where the plaster had fallen off.”
“It’ll sell regardless,” says agent
When asked whether skipping the viewing might lead to inaccuracies, one agent shrugged.
“Look, it’s Ireland. If it has four walls and isn’t actively on fire, someone will bid €60k over asking. The AI could describe it as ‘a haunted shoebox with structural opinions’ and we’d still get 20 offers.”
AI Also Handles Negotiations
The new system automatically:
- Detects emotional attachment and raises the price
- Sends follow‑up emails every 90 minutes
- Generates phrases like “strong interest,” “competitive bidding,” and “you’re already outbid”
Coming Soon: Buyers use
Developers are reportedly working on a feature that can create fictional amenities to boost interest.
Early tests include:
- “Proximity to a future LUAS line”
- “A planned artisan district”
- “A community garden that exists only in the agent’s imagination”