12 February 2026
By Parr O’Dee
news@TheCork.ie

Satirical news / parody

In a move that has stunned historians, delighted cruise companies, and mildly irritated everyone north of the South Link, a Cork Tourism Industry group has unveiled a controversial proposal to relocate the iconic Bells of Shandon from their centuries‑old perch in Cork city to the harbour town of Cobh — purely to save cruise passengers the inconvenience of a 25‑minute bus journey.

The plan, titled “Shandon 2.0: Bringing the Bells to the People,” promises to “modernise Cork’s heritage experience” by placing the entire bell tower on a specially reinforced barge and floating it downriver “like a very slow, very confused parade float.”

Computer generate image showing what the finished project may look like.

“Cruise Tourists Deserve Efficiency,” Says group

A spokesperson explained the logic behind the move:

“When a ship docks in Cobh, passengers have only a few hours to buy fridge magnets, take photos of colourful houses, and complain about the weather. Expecting them to travel all the way to Cork city to ring a bell is frankly unreasonable.”

The board claims the relocation will “streamline the tourist journey from ship to bell,” allowing visitors to disembark, ring something historic, and re‑embark without ever encountering Cork traffic — a benefit locals described as “deeply unfair.”

Cork City Reaction: Outrage, Mostly Loud

Residents of Shandon were quick to voice their concerns, with one unnamed person saying “What’s next — moving the English Market to the airport?”

Cobh Reaction: Delighted, Slightly Smug

Cobh residents, meanwhile, welcomed the proposal with open arms.

One café owner said:

“We already have the cathedral, the Titanic stuff, and the cruise ships. Adding the Bells of Shandon will complete the holy trinity of Cork tourism: boats, bells, and baked goods.”

Rumours suggest Cobh is also lobbying to acquire the Lough swans, the Butter Museum, and “whichever bit of Fitzgerald’s Park has the nicest flowers.”

Engineers Express Mild Panic

Structural engineers tasked with assessing the feasibility of moving a bell tower built in 1722 responded with a collective groan, noting the cost of such a proposal would far exceed the net gains.

Cruise Companies Thrilled

Cruise operators praised the plan, noting that passengers “love ringing things,” and that having the bells within walking distance would “significantly enhance the authentic Irish tourism box ticker of seeing something old.”