16 February 2026
By Parr O’Dee
news@TheCork.ie

Satirical news / parody

In a move being described as “innovative,” “decisive,” and “much handier than laying tracks,” transport authorities have confirmed that Cork Kent train station has been physically moved to Cork Airport, finally connecting the airport to Ireland’s rail network for the first time.

The operation, completed overnight, involved placing Kent Station on several “very determined-looking trucks” and slowly driving it through the city while repeatedly apologising to motorists.

The Minister for Transportial-Type Matters said the decision followed decades of reports, consultations, feasibility studies, sub-committees, working groups, and one very long lunch.

“For years people asked why Cork Airport wasn’t connected by rail,” the Minister said. “It turns out the answer was simple: move the train station.”

“Problem Solved. Next Question.”

Officials confirmed that alternative proposals — including a rail spur, light rail, monorail, cable car, or even a bus that turns up — were all rejected as “too complicated.”

A spokesperson explained:

“Building new infrastructure would have taken time. This way, we already had a perfectly good station. We just… brought it closer to the planes.”

Passengers arriving at Cork Airport this morning were surprised to find themselves stepping off a flight from Heathrow and directly into the Kent Station concourse.

Mild Confusion, Strong Opinions

Commuters heading for Midleton reported mixed emotions.

“I only wanted to go to Glounthaune,” said one passenger, standing beside a Aer Lingus check-in desk. “I’ve accidentally been offered a flight to Málaga twice now.”

Meanwhile, tourists praised the convenience.

“It’s amazing,” said a visitor from Germany in broken English. “In only the five of the minutes I went from the baggage hall to the Lower Glanmire Road, how this is possible? I cannot say.”

City Centre Reassurances

Authorities moved quickly to reassure residents that the old Kent Station site would not go to waste.

Plans include:

• A temporary car park – to be occupied by City centre workers who work in nearby office blocks and hotels, which inexplicably have no in-house underground parking, despite being new builds.

• A museum explaining why the station was moved

• Or possibly apartments “starting from only €980,000”

Airport Rail Success Celebrated

Transport Infrastructure Ireland hailed the project as a national success.

“Cork Airport is now fully connected to the rail network,” a statement read. “Admittedly, the rail network is no longer connected to Cork city centre, but you can’t have everything.”

When asked if similar solutions might be rolled out elsewhere, the Minister confirmed feasibility studies were already under way.

“We’re currently examining whether moving Heuston Station to Dublin Airport might finally sort that whole situation out too.”

At the time of writing, Kent Station staff were still trying to work out whether trains are now technically “delayed” or simply “waiting for passengers to land.”