3 February 2026
By Parr O’Dee
news@TheCork.ie

Satirical news / parody

Chaos erupted across Cork City this week as motorists reported needing “checking the bank balance” before entering any multistorey car park on Leeside.

The average cost of parking for 1hour has now surpassed the price of a light lunch, a haircut, and in one case, a second‑hand bicycle.

Drivers Preparing Emotionally Before Entering

Locals say they now treat multi-storey parking like a major life event.

“I don’t just park anymore,” said one driver. “I commit. Like using the internet back in the dial-up days I try to get everything done within the hour”

Another admitted he circles the block three times before entering, “just to triple check there was no on street parking first”

New ‘Premium’ Charges Introduced

Several Cork car parks have introduced new pricing tiers, including:

• €4 for the first hour
• €6 for the second hour
• €12 for the third hour
• €50 if you lose your ticket, in which case the fee must be high to stop everyone “losing” their ticket

One car park is reportedly trialling a “Tap to Donate” button on the exit machine for drivers who feel emotionally moved by the experience.

Tourists Confused, Locals Resigned

Visitors to Cork have expressed shock at the prices.

“I thought I misread it,” said one American tourist. “I didn’t realise I was paying for parking and character development.”

Locals, however, have accepted their fate.

“Sure it’s grand,” said a Cork woman. “I only needed to pop into Penneys for five minutes. It cost me €14. But I got socks.”

Car Parks Introduce New Amenities

To justify rising costs, some multistoreys have added “premium features,” including:

• Mood lighting
• Inspirational quotes like “You’re doing great, keep reversing”
• A complimentary sense of despair
• A loyalty scheme where after 10 visits you get a free existential crisis

One car park in the city centre now offers a “VIP Level” where the spaces are slightly wider, to assist in parking the unnecessarily oversized SUV that many people have on the never never.

Drivers Form Support Group

A new organisation, Cork  Rallies Against Parking Prices Yes (CRAPPY), meets weekly to share stories such as:

• “The time I paid €18 to collect a parcel”
• “The day I got trapped behind someone who couldn’t find their ticket”
• “The moment I realised I’d spent more on parking than on Christmas”

Members say the group helps them heal, though not financially.

Future Uncertain

Economists predict that by 2030, parking in Cork will cost the same as a weekend away in Dublin.

Until then, drivers are advised to:

• Park outside the city, on the back Douglas Road
• Walk in
• And accept walking as the most affordable mode of transport.