1 February 2026
By Parr O’Dee
news@TheCork.ie
Satirical news / parody
A brand‑new housing development in Glanmire has sold out in record time this week, despite the fact that no one — including the developers, estate agents, or Google Maps — can confirm its exact location.
TheCork.ie Reporter Parr O’Dea
The estate, known as “The Meadows at Riverbrook Glen Heights View Park” (or simply “The Meadows” for people who value oxygen), was advertised as “a peaceful suburban oasis conveniently located near everything, depending on how you define ‘near.’”
Within 48 hours, all 62 units were snapped up by eager buyers who admitted they had “absolutely no idea where they’re moving,” but trusted the brochure’s promise of “easy access to the N25, the M8, and possibly a forest.”
Buyers Unfazed by Lack of Coordinates
One new homeowner, Aoife Murphy, said she wasn’t concerned.
“Look, it’s Glanmire. Everything is either five minutes away or impossible to find. If the house exists, that’s good enough for me.”
Another buyer said he tried to drive to the site but ended up in Riverstown, then Sallybrook, then somehow Little Island.
“I followed the signs for ‘New Development,’ but they just led me in a circle. I think the signs are decorative.”
Developers Offer Reassurance
A spokesperson for the developers insisted the estate is “definitely real” and “absolutely located somewhere in the greater Glanmire region.”
When pressed for specifics, he gestured vaguely toward a distant hill and said,
“It’s over there… or possibly behind that tree line. We’re still finalising the entrance.”
He also confirmed that the show house is “on the way,” once they “figure out where to put it.”
Local Reaction Mixed
Long‑time Glanmire residents say the confusion is nothing new.
“Sure half the estates here are hidden behind other estates,” said one local. “You need a Sherpa and a packed lunch to find some of them.”
Others expressed concern that the new development might worsen traffic.
“If they add even one more estate, we’ll need a second Glanmire just to store the cars.”
Google Maps Responds
In an unprecedented move, Google Maps issued a statement acknowledging the situation.
“We are aware of a new housing estate in Glanmire. We are currently attempting to locate it. Please stop emailing us.”
The estate is expected to appear on maps “sometime in the next 6–18 months,” depending on satellite cooperation and cloud cover.
Move‑In Date Still a Mystery
Buyers have been told they can expect to move in “late 2026 or early 2027,” though this may change once the developers “physically locate the estate.”
In the meantime, homeowners are encouraged to keep an eye out for any suspicious clusters of freshly built houses.
“If you see a row of identical grey homes emerging from a field,” said the developer, “that’s probably us.”